A Christmas Carol, TeniPuri Style!
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: That's right. The cast of Prince of Tennis step into the shoes of the beloved characters of the classic tale by Charles Dickens. Who's who? Read to find out!
1. Part 1 Ebenezer Tezuka

A/N: I don't own Prince of Tennis, and I don't own "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens...because it was written a reeeally long time ago, and I'm not that old...I'm just borrowing both to bring some amusement to this world. I guess it helps if you know the story of "A Christmas Carol" but if you don't, you might even find this amusing anyway. Or, you'll think I'm completely stupid. Either way, it must be worth a try! This mess is in four short parts. The next three will be posted over the next few days, with the last on the twenty-third ... just before Christmas! Yay!

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A Christmas Carol -- TeniPuri style!

Part 1

It was Christmas Eve, and poor Oishi Cratchet was cold. That was not a surprising fact, given that his boss would not let him put another coal on the fire, because it would cost him more money. Oishi Cratchet's boss was a real stick in the mud.

Ebenezer Tezuka was well known for his crappy attitude towards anyone and everyone who crossed his path. He was especially infamous for his views on Christmas. "Bah humbug" was his catchphrase at this time of year; and for the rest of the year, he had no catchphrase, as he never talked to anyone if he could get out of it.

But we were talking about poor Oishi Cratchet, who was shivering and shaking in his sad little office. He was Tezuka's one and only employee, and he was being paid far less than minimum wage...and he wasn't even allowed to burn another coal to get his hands warm. His hands felt like blocks of ice. In fact, on closer inspection, he could see the frost beginning to collect under his fingernails.

Well, that was the last straw. Oishi Cratchet gathered his courage, and went into the other room, which was much warmer and better furnished, where Ebenezer Tezuka sat counting his money.

"Mr. Tezuka," Oishi Cratchet said miserably, "Can I please burn another coal?"

"No," Ebenezer Tezuka replied shortly. "Back to work, or you will have to run twenty-six laps around the building."

Oishi Cratchet sighed, and was about to go back to his pathetic office, when the door of Tezuka's office swung open, and Ebenezer Tezuka's polar opposite entered the room. This polar opposite was infinitely cheerful and he loved Christmas almost to death, in fact he'd almost drunk himself to death just last Christmas, at a rather extravagant party thrown by himself and a bunch of his friends...and he just happened to be Ebenezer Tezuka's nephew, the charming Momoshiro, or as he preferred to be called, Momo-chan!

"Uncle Tezuka!" he cried. "I'm drunk again! Merry Christmas!"

"Get out of my office," Tezuka growled.

"Not until I make you love Christmas!" Momo exclaimed.

"Sixty-two laps, now," Tezuka ordered. Momo blew a raspberry, then turned his attention to Oishi Cratchet.

"Merry Christmas, Oishi baby!" Momo cried.

"Merry Christmas, Momo," Oishi replied, smiling at Momo's antics.

"God bless you!" Momo exclaimed, and then he belched. "Up yours, Uncle Tezuka! Oh, and if you get over yourself before tomorrow, you can come to this year's Christmas party, where I'm going to get even more drunk! Cheers!" Momo hiccupped his way out of the office, and slammed the door behind him.

"Why are you still standing there?" Ebenezer Tezuka demanded of Oishi Cratchet. "Get back to work!"

"Anou, Mr. Tezuka...I was wondering...Tomorrow being Christmas and all, do you think I could maybe possibly have they day off?" Oishi Cratchet asked boldly.

"Sure," Ebenezer Tezuka replied. "You can have tomorrow off. In fact, you can have every day off. You're fired."

Oishi Cratchet felt the ground drop out from underneath him. He'd just been fired. How was he going to support his wife and their fifteen children, especially the very sick Tiny Tim, who had a strange illness that no doctor they could afford could cure?

He ran from the building sobbing. Ebenezer continued counting his money until the clock struck five, and then he made his own way home.

There were some people outside of his office, waiting for him.

"Mr. Tezuka!" they cried. One was a rather angry-looking redhead, and the other was a very pretty boy with longish hair and a bored expression on his face. It was Kamio and Shinji, the two annoying charity collectors who always pestered him no end. 

"Please consider making a donation, Mr. Tezuka," Kamio said, shoving his collection box in Mr. Tezuka's face. "It would make the children very happy!"

"The children are starving, Mr. Tezuka. I hate to think of children starving. I was a child once myself, I ate too much when I was little, maybe I should have saved some of the food for the children who are starving now, although it would have past its expiry date by this time I guess, and it wouldn't be good for them to eat anyway, because they'd get sick..." babbled Shinji.

"I'm not making a donation," Tezuka said, folding his arms across his chest. "So stop bothering me."

The look on his face could have scared away the bravest of men.

"Stupid jerk," Kamio muttered to Shinji as they walked away.

Shinji nodded. "That he is. I wonder what his problem his. How could you hate Christmas? It's such a cheerful beautiful time, when families get together...although when my family gets together they usually fight a lot, especially my third cousin Bill, because he thinks he knows everything and that gets on the nerves of my second cousin Bob..."

Meanwhile, Ebenezer Tezuka was walking in the other direction, towards his home. He went inside, kicked off his shoes, and almost hit the ceiling when he saw someone sitting in his favorite chair in his lavish living room.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

The person sitting in his chair was Inui Marley, his former business partner, who had passed away a year ago due to some sort of illness that Ebenezer Tezuka had never bothered to consult a doctor about because it would have cost the company too much money. Inui Marley had been a wonderful partner, though. He sure knew how to make money. He'd had notebooks full of data on the money-making process, and no one had been able to match him...

"Marley...What are you doing here?" Ebenezer Tezuka asked again, when he got no reply. "You're dead...I must be imagining things. I think I should go back to bed."

"You're not imagining this," Inui Marley said. "It is one hundred percent real. Now listen to what I have to say, and listen carefully, Ebenezer. I was a bad man in life, and now look at me! I'm covered in chains...a chain for every bad deed."

Indeed, Inui Marley was covered by very heavy looking chains.

"I don't want you to suffer the same fate, so I did some research, and discovered the best way of getting you to change your ways. You're going to have three visitors tonight. Listen to them well."

"Hn." Ebenezer Tezuka glared at the supposed ghost of his former partner. "I still don't believe you're real."

"I know. You're a realist...but I am real, Ebenezer. I am real, and these chains are real, and you're going to rot in Hell like me if you don't change..." Inui Marley started to disappear. "Your visitors will come at approximately one o'clock, two o'clock, and three o'clock..."

Ebenezer Tezuka shook his head, and went up to bed. It seemed that he desperately needed sleep, if he was beginning to imagine things like this. He must have been overworking himself.

TBC


	2. Part 2 The Ghost of Christmas Past

A/N: Thanks for your reviews, and here is the next installment of the silliness that is this fic! Who's the ghost of Christmas Past? Who was Ebenezer Tezuka's former love interest? All this and more, revealed!

Ebenezer Tezuka was rudely awakened at about one o'clock in the morning, by someone clearing their throat loudly.

"Wake up already!" a voice commanded. Ebenezer Tezuka pulled back the drapes of his very extravagant canopy bed, and the sight that greeted him was very, very odd, and yet somewhat appealing. A very attractive man with a mole underneath his right eye was perched on his dresser. He was dressed in a glittering purple robe, tied at the waist with a velvety purple sash. There were sandals on his feet -- but wasn't it much too cold outside for that?

The man had a distinct smirk on his face. "I am the ghost of Christmas past," he said. "You can call me Atobe-sama. Or better yet...why not refer to me as Kami-sama?"

Ebenezer Tezuka raised an eyebrow. "I'm not going to call you anything. Get out of my house."

"I was sent here on a mission," the ghost of Christmas past Atobe said. "I can't leave you until it's complete. So why don't you be a good boy and cooperate?"

Ebenezer's stony glare never wavered. Atobe held out his hand. "I'm going to take you on a trip to the past. Take my hand."

Ebenezer Tezuka sighed, and did as he was told. The sooner he agreed, the sooner he could get this whole stupid thing over with. It was probably all some kind of twisted nightmare anyway.

As soon as his hand met Atobe's he felt a sickening sensation in his stomach. The world spun, and he was no longer in his bedroom. He was standing on a snowy sidewalk...in his teddy bear pyjamas. Strangely enough, he didn't feel cold.

"We're in the past now," Atobe explained. "You are a ghost here, just as I am. Do you recognize this building?"

"No."

"You used to work here, for some old fart," Atobe said. "Look in the window. They're having a party. And who's that? Oh my, it's a young Ebenezer Tezuka!"

Sure enough, Ebenezer Tezuka could see a younger version of himself, standing in a corner with his arms folded over his chest. In fact, the only difference in the younger Ebenezer Tezuka was the style of his hair. It was flipped to the other side.

"You were much happier back then, weren't you?" Atobe asked. "You went to all the parties...You loved Christmas! Oh, and look...your little love muffin!"

The younger version of Ebenezer Tezuka found himself standing underneath some mistletoe, that the beautiful Fuji was holding over him.

"Oh my, Ebenezer! You're under the mistletoe! That means you have to kiss me!" Fuji exclaimed, and he threw himself at Ebenezer Tezuka.

The present Ebenezer Tezuka was not amused. "Why are you showing me this?"

"It's the prologue," Atobe replied. "Because now I'm going to show you...THIS! The day you broke Fuji's heart!"

The world spun again, and Tezuka found himself inside his office. Fuji stood before him, tears escaping his blue eyes.

"You said you'd always love me, but you love your money more, don't you, Ebenezer?"

"Yes," Ebenezer Tezuka replied, without even looking up.

The tears stopped falling. Fuji's eyes narrowed. "I'll get you back for this one day," he swore, and he stormed out of the office.

Ebenezer Tezuka never looked up, not once.

"You loved him, and then you let him go," Atobe said, shaking his head. "How tragic. Not that I care much, I'm just reciting the lines they gave me, you understand. Anyway...Fuji did get you back eventually...do you remember?"

How could Ebenezer Tezuka have forgotten? Fuji had filed a lawsuit against him and won, somehow, costing Ebenezer Tezuka a fortune! It still made him angry.

"That's what you get for crossing a lover. You really messed that one up! What a moron you were!" Atobe laughed. "This is fun...I wonder why they don't send me on missions like this all the time?"

Ebenezer Tezuka was tired of Atobe's company. He heard the clock strike two.

"It's time for ore-sama to be heading back," Atobe said. "Have fun with your next ghost, Ebenezer Tezuka!" He disappeared, and Ebenezer Tezuka was left alone. Or so he thought. 

TBC


	3. Part 3 The Ghost of Christmas Present

A/N: Yay, the ghost of Christmas present! My personal favorite is the ghost of Christmas future, but he doesn't show up until next time...In this chapter, you may look forward to some glimpses of what's going on in the lives of the people that Ebenezer Tezuka has made miserable...

Ebenezer Tezuka wandered up and down the snowy street, wondering how he was going to get back to his nice warm bed, and out of the past. He was getting tired of having people walk through him. He didn't like this ghost business.

"Oi, Ebenezer Tezuka!" a voice called. "I'm the ghost of Christmas present, your next visitor! And what a visitor! You really lucked out!"

Ebenezer Tezuka regarded the newest ghost with a strong feeling of distaste. The ghost of Christmas present had orange hair that looked well-groomed, and he was wearing his white baseball cap backwards. He was clothed in a white toga, and his feet were bare.

"I'm Hiroshi, the godly ghost of Christmas present!" Hiroshi smiled widely, and his teeth sparkled. It was almost too much for Ebenezer Tezuka to bear. He wondered why he was getting stuck with all the highly conceited ghosts tonight.

"So follow me, and I'll show you some stuff that I was ordered to show you, and then I can go back to my adoring fans!"

Ebenezer Tezuka followed behind the ghost of Christmas present, who kept tossing his hair and smiling at people, even though they couldn't see him. 

"You're still a ghost, even though this is your present, so don't worry about people seeing you or anything," Hiroshi said cheerfully. "Ah, here we are! The house of your usually drunken nephew, Momoshiro!"

They peered into the window of Momoshiro's house, and saw a wild party going on. Momo was having a drunken conversation with someone about how much his uncle smelled like dog doo. Ebenezer Tezuka would never have admitted it, but he was a little bit offended by it. He'd had no idea that Momo thought so little of him, even while he was drunk beyond belief.

"Now, let's go to our second stop!"

They stopped in front of a very old and decrepit house that looked like it could fall down at any moment.

"I bet you're wondering why I brought you to such a pathetic house," Hiroshi said. "Well...this is the house of your former employee, Oishi Cratchet."

Ebenezer Tezuka hadn't known how said Oishi Cratchet's house really was. He hadn't realized how little he'd been paying Oishi Cratchet until now. He began to feel something almost like guilt well up in his cold and blackened heart. He looked in the window.

"There is your worker and his wife, Eiji Cratchet, and their fifteen children. The one that is hobbling and hissing is Tiny Tim...that's his nickname, since he's the runt. He's very sick. He has a strange disease that no doctor they can afford can diagnose. He'll probably die before next Christmas."

Ebenezer Tezuka didn't like the sound of that, but he said nothing, he simply watched.

"Mother...can we all sing a song together, Mother?" Tiny Tim asked. "Ssssss."

Eiji Cratchet patted the bandana on her youngest son's head. "Yes, darling Kaido, we can sing a song. Nya."

And so the Cratchet family, Oishi, Eiji, and their fifteen children, sang a very sappy and inspiring Christmas song, full of love and joy and happiness.

And Ebenezer Tezuka felt like he was going to throw up. Deep inside of him, way deep down underneath all the hatred of sappy things, he felt a tiny tingling sensation, that really meant he was touched by all of this.

"The Cratchets can't even afford a Christmas dinner this year," Hiroshi said. "We have one more thing to see. Follow me."

Ebenezer Tezuka was wondering what could possibly be left in the present that he would need to see.

"This is your former love, Fuji."

Fuji was still as pretty as ever...and he was holding hands with a rather short and bored-looking person.

"Echizen, darling!" Fuji exclaimed, and he hugged the shorter boy tightly.

"What is this?" Ebenezer Tezuka demanded.

"Your former love and his husband. They have three lovely children, one of which Fuji named Ebeka, after you," Hiroshi said. "Isn't that nice? He forgave you for everything."

Ebenezer Tezuka felt something like jealousy creep up within him.

"I don't want to see anymore of this," he said.

"Good, because it's time for me to go back to my fans!" Hiroshi exclaimed, and with a POOF! he disappeared.

Tezuka was once more left alone on the snowy street.

TBC


	4. Part 4 The Ghost of Christmas Future and...

A/N: Hahaha, it's time for the ghost of Christmas Future! His name is never mentioned -- but I bet you can guess who it is without his name! Are you ready for the warm and fuzzy conclusion? Are you ready for the reformed version of Ebenezer Tezuka? Are you REALLY ready for more Tiny Tim? (I'm not)

Tezuka was growing a little impatient as he waited for his last visitor. It was going on four o'clock. Inui Marley had said his last visitor would come at three, so where was it?

Ebenezer Tezuka felt something hard connect with his face. It was a rock. He looked up, and saw a very scary grey-haired man, dressed in a grim reaper outfit -- a black cape with a hood. He continued chucking rocks at Ebenezer Tezuka, until Ebenezer Tezuka stood, and followed him. The grim reaper figure seemed to have no voice.

"You must be the ghost of Christmas future," Ebenezer Tezuka said. 

The grim reaper figure nodded.

"And you're going to show me visions of my future?"

Another nod.

Ebenezer Tezuka was led to...a graveyard. This did not look promising. The ghost of Christmas future pointed to one grave. Ebenezer Tezuka read it.

"Kaido Cratchet, also known as Tiny Tim. Died because Ebenezer Tezuka fired his father and left them with NOTHING."

Ebenezer Tezuka felt chills run up and down his spine. So Tiny Tim really would die within a year...

The ghost of Christmas future pointed to another grave. Ebenezer Tezuka read it, and gasped.

"Here lies Ebenezer Tezuka. No one cared when he died because he was a crotchety old dude who FIRED Oishi Cratchet, the really nice guy, whose son died because of the stupid crotchety old dude."

"No! I don't want my tombstone to say that!" Ebenezer Tezuka said. His voice was still monotone, but it was obvious he was frightened. "I'll change my ways. I'll stop making people run laps. I'll try to crack a smile once in a while. I'll..."

"Shut up already," the ghost of Christmas future said. He had a voice after all. "I don't care what you do. I'm leaving now. Christmas is boring. This job is boring." He disappeared.

Ebenezer Tezuka woke up in his bed on Christmas morning, full of resolve for the day ahead.

~~~~~

"Here you go, gentlemen."

Kamio and Shinji gawked at Ebenezer Tezuka as if he had grown another head. He had just donated them...a lot of money.

"Are you sure about this?" Kamio asked suspiciously. "Why are you suddenly donating us money?"

"I've had a change of heart," Ebenezer Tezuka replied, and he walked away.

"Thank you very much. Please consider donating to us next year. We won't bother you as much because it seems that you've changed into a nice guy. I hope it lasts because I like this Tezuka better than the other one, don't you think so Kamio?"

Kamio nodded in agreement to Shinji's babble. They went to buy some food for the starving children.

~~~~~

Oishi Cratchet opened his door to the incessant knocking.

"Merry Christmas," said Ebenezer Tezuka, still in a monotone. He still had his arms folded across his chest, but a kind look could be seen in his eyes.

"Um...Mr. Tezuka?"

"You're re-hired, Cratchet. And I'm going to bring Tiny Tim with me to Germany so he can get his illness treated."

"I'm what? You what?" Oishi Cratchet could not believe his ears.

"That's wonderful!" Eiji Cratchet exclaimed. "Thank you very much, Mr. Tezuka! Nya!"

"Please come in," Oishi Cratchet said.

"I can't stay. I have a Christmas party to go to," Ebenezer Tezuka replied. "Although I'm not going to drink nearly as much as my nephew."

"At least come in and have some coffee, nya," Eiji Cratchet insisted.

"Well...I guess I can stay for a moment," Ebenezer Tezuka said. "Oh, this is for you." He pulled a huge turkey out from behind his back, and dumped it into Oishi Cratchet's arms. "It's your Christmas bonus. I hired a Santa Claus to come and give gifts to your children later, as well."

"Thank you so much, Mr. Tezuka!" Oishi Cratchet exclaimed. There were tears of joy in his eyes.

"This must be Tiny Tim," Ebenezer Tezuka said, as a small boy hobbled into the room.

"Sss. Who are you?" Tiny Tim demanded.

"This is my boss," Oishi Cratchet said. "He's going to take you to Germany, and you're going to get better and be able to run and jump and play with all the other boys!" More tears came to his eyes.

"Ssss," Tiny Tim said.

Ebenezer Tezuka, with his arms still folded across his chest, almost smiled.

And so, this story comes to a close...but not before Tiny Tim says, 

"Merry Christmas, and God bless us, every one. Sssss."

THE END


End file.
